A scene from ‘Ice Cream Man’

Ice Cream Man review: Brain freeze would be an improvement

‘Ice Cream Man’ is about a vengeful vendor who compels all a town’s children to believe committing gruesome murders is a fun game.

For every great movie, there are many bad ones. Past achievements are not always a reliable indicator of future triumphs either. Similar to the music industry, some filmmakers are one-hit wonders. Others are inconsistent, only capturing the magic some of the time. This type of filmmaker can be the most frustrating since they’ve shown their capable of greatness, which only makes the disappointments worse. Yet, audiences keep going back hoping this release will be the one. Eli Roth is one of those filmmakers. He’s incredibly enthusiastic, but you never know what to expect. Unfortunately, his latest picture, Ice Cream Man, is a bit of a meltdown.

It’s almost the start of summer vacation, which is also primetime for cold treat sales. So, it’s no surprise when an ice cream truck pulls into a small Massachusetts town. Kids flock to The Ice Cream Man (Ari Millen) everywhere he goes — except for lactose-intolerant Jared (Charlie Zeltzer), whose big sister, Lizzie (Sarah Abbott), makes sure he stays away. But that night, all the children who had ice cream wake up and murder their parents. Come morning, the little fiends start finishing off the rest of the town’s adults. Now, it’s up to the handful of kids and teens who didn’t visit the evil vendor to save everyone.

Roth obviously had a very a clear, but narrow vision for this film. The Ice Cream Man is like the pied piper, bringing all the town’s children under his control. Then it’s a matter of how many different ways the kids can surprise, overpower and kill the adults, before playfully desecrating their bodies. However, there are concessions to making this work. The grown-ups don’t — or more accurately can’t — fight back. The kids’ unsettling appearance doesn’t alert the adults to a problem either. Instead, they’re all caught off-guard and gruesomely murdered by the spellbound tykes.

In spite of Jared voicing suspicions about The Ice Cream Man, his parents (Eli Roth and Karen Cliche) dismiss his concerns. However, their indifference doesn’t make sense in light of the truths revealed later in the film. Nonetheless, they’re conveniently in Boston as the children wreak havoc. Instead, Jared and Lizzie must fend for themselves as hordes of violent terrors hopped up on cursed sugar chase them around town.

With such a limited plot, there’s a lot of repetition with some creative variation. The miniature maniacs employ all manner of weapons to dispatch their implausibly unsuspecting victims. From hacksaws and hammers to baseball bats and balls to Popsicle sticks and paint, they use whatever they can get their little hands on. Sometimes it’s the gory kills with blood splattering across their tiny faces that’s shocking. Other times it’s the aftermath of using the bodies in their arts and crafts or other playtime activities that’s outrageous. Roth is never short on ideas when it comes to gore in a horror movie, making it one of the picture’s rare strengths.

Yet, in spite of Roth’s practiced genre-hand, it feels a lot like a first-time director’s film. A lot of the dialogue is cheesy and the story is incredibly thin. The Ice Cream Man’s motive makes almost no sense. The exception is a humorous exchange between the unaffected children and their archetypal sage (Benjamin Byron Davis). He reveals the ever-expanding steps to end their nightmare and the kids try to keep it all straight. They also take a moment to reflect on the madness of putting the weight of everyone’s survival on their undeveloped shoulders.

Roth has been under fire for using generative AI to help create an old-timey animation that mesmerizes the children. Unfortunately, the creepy cartoon is another of the few well-conceived elements in the film. Nevertheless, even such a controversial admission couldn’t do any more harm than the shell of an idea already filling the screen.

Director: Eli Roth
Starring: Ari Millen, Charlie Zeltzer and Sarah Abbott

Similar Posts

  • Review: ‘Beyond the Reach’ is grasping for solid ground

    There was a time when hunting wild game was a necessity of survival. Before grocery stores and butcher shops, people were required to kill animals in order to put food on the table. However, it’s since become an activity performed primarily for sport and amusement. Certain personalities are more inclined to find such a hobby entertaining; but there is also a certain category of these people you would not want to cross. In Beyond the Reach, a fatal mistake turns the hunter into the prey.

  • Review: ‘The Hateful Eight’ takes its unique Western on the road (Includes first-hand account)

    Before brick and mortar cinemas became popular, movies and their projectionists used to travel from town to town like the circus. Going to see a film was a special event rather than something to do when you’re bored. This tradition of distinction was renewed with the creation of large-scale productions and the allure of movie stars. Moreover, people didn’t sit in the dark for three-plus hours without a bathroom, snack or cigarette break so they were built into the screening. These are the experiences writer/director Quentin Tarantino is attempting to replicate with the 70 mm roadshow version of The Hateful Eight.

  • Review: ‘Batman v Superman’ is flawed in the most predictable ways (Includes first-hand account)

    Over the years there have been endless matches hypothesized between comic book characters, many of which have been played out in the panels. Where would the fight take place? What advantages would they have? And finally, who would win? Although Batman and Superman are on the same side of the fight against evil, they are fundamentally different types of heroes and have had many disagreements over the years. These conflicts have been worked out between the pages, but they’ve never been portrayed on the big screen — until now. With the proliferation of CGI effects and the popularity of superhero films, perhaps it’s the right time for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

  • Review: ‘The Gentlemen’ elevates the criminal element (Includes first-hand account)

    The world learned Guy Ritchie‘s name when he casted Brad Pitt in Snatch as a gypsy boxer whose accent was so heavy and English so contorted, he needed subtitles. Though it was only his second feature film, it put him on the map. In addition, that movie and his debut, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, proved he had a talent for gangster pictures and their dialogue. Then he made a bunch of other movies over the next 20 years, branching off into similar genres and adapting his skills while refining his penchant for action. Now, he’s returned to write, direct and produce a new, original gangster film, The Gentlemen.

  • Review: ‘Inside Out’ has all the feels (Includes first-hand account)

    It’s human nature to wonder what other people are thinking or how they’ve come to feel the way they do, but it’s often impossible to determine the correct answer without some assistance from the person in question. Moreover it’s generally believed every person is the sum of their experiences, but what does that mean? Leave it to the people at Pixar to come up with an entertaining, animated response that may not be true but is definitely more fun than the reality. Inside Out goes inside the head of a little girl to show just how our personalities work and why we sometimes feel the way we do.